The journey through motherhood is a strange one. You can’t wait to be finished washing bottles or making purees until one day you’re not. It happens all of a sudden like that. And maybe it’s not the next week or even the next month but sometime in the future you will look back on all of the things that were so frustrating and exhausting and think, why was that such a big deal?
I packed up some of Abigail’s clothes that no longer fit. Some things I packed up no problem, but others were harder to put away. Like her purple hoodie. Because she wore it from the time it was too big until the time it was way too small and when I close my eyes and picture her I see this jacket, too.
I took out a couple of new things that I had bought for her, and as I sat on the floor cutting off tags I came to a sticker: Toddler 18-24 months. Toddler? You can just say that I had a moment. One of those moments that my own mom used to have and my sisters and I would catch her and say, “Mom. MOM. Are you crying? Why are you crying? Ew, stop crying.” And it probably was the fact that she realized we were steamrolling into the future.
All this growing up that Abigail seems so determined to do has really made me think about the time that we’ve shared together. Staying at home with her hasn’t always been easy. I left a job I loved. But somewhere in the buzz of our every day life my baby has become Abigail — queen of “ooh,” fastest drinker in the west, giver of smushy hugs, and laundry helper extraordinaire.
She’s always going to be my baby. But I think I’ll embrace this toddler thing too. Because I know one day, all of a sudden, she’ll be a little girl. And that is something that I’m really not ready for. Yet.