25 Sep

It’s right around the corner, hiding, waiting to yell “Boo!” as I pass by — this feeling of uneasiness. Creeping up. Like I’m out trick or treating, dressed as an Oregonian, but underneath I’m not. And I just want to get home because I’ve had enough and this costume isn’t fitting quite right.

When I feel like this I do things like check the weather in Lynchburg then Richmond. Search the MLS listings for a house I’d want to buy when we move back. If….and I need to stop because it’s torture.

It isn’t all the time like it used to be. But I miss my friends. I miss our families. I miss feeling like I knew what was going on. Now when a town or event is mentioned and I don’t know where it is or what it is I just smile and nod, instead of asking questions and looking it up later. I’m tired of the effort it all takes.

And it’s hard not to compare then and now. But I do. Silently. Because you can’t explain it and it’s rare that anyone even asks. It’s not their fault. I’ve been that person, and it’s hard to put yourself in a position of an outsider when you aren’t one.

It’s kind of like going to a sleep over. Things at your friend’s house are done a little differently and you have a great time. But it’s exhausting and you just can’t wait to get home.

I give Oregon a lot of credit. And I feel like I’m always complimenting it, but sometimes I know it’s empty praise. For the sake of others. I’m worried that although I don’t blame it for the sadness I sometimes feel, I’ll never really give it a fair shake.

So I stopped my little pity party and decorated for Halloween. It’s September but I don’t care. Last year I was robbed of my happy fall time and I could feel myself slipping into that same space. My favorite time of year was tainted by the fact I knew nobody and lived in a shoebox. This year I’m doing it right. The Halloween tree is up. Ghosts, goblins, and witches have come to visit. A spooky house is glowing once again.

And a funny thing happened on my way to fall…I started thinking about Abigail’s first trip to the pumpkin patch…carving a pumpkin to look like a certain special floofy newfy…trick or treating to our realtor’s house with a little strawberry in tow. (We had to show her off to somebody.) I had Newport memories. From last year! And it felt pretty damn good.

So happy fall, y’all!*

And for those back in Sweet Virginia.  Family and Friends, I miss y’all like crazy.  Still and always.

*Y’all = A word used by southerners that means “you all.” Try it. You’ll like it.

Oh, and nothing says fall quite like The Twelve Dogs of Christmas.  Don’t you think?

14 Responses to “Boo!”

  1. Kelly Richardson September 26, 2011 at 3:21 am #

    Great blog – we miss YA’LL more! I cannot believe how much she’s grown! Love spooky town!

    • Sarah September 26, 2011 at 11:44 am #

      Just went through pics this weekend as Ryan was putting together our 2010 album. Had some pics of you and Abigail when we came to see you at school and it made me wonder if Peyton is still gracing your doorway and if so he needs to be laminated. Miss you! MWAH! XOXOXO!

  2. keli hoskins September 26, 2011 at 6:20 am #

    woohoo!!! super cute decorations! i guess i have permission to break ours out, then? 😉

    • Sarah September 26, 2011 at 11:44 am #

      Yes! Yes! Break them out!

  3. Asia September 26, 2011 at 11:55 am #

    Read the whole thing and it’s still makes me sad! It breaks my heart to know you feel that way even sometimes. I wish that your friends and family could all follow you out here because I know Oregon would have a fighting chance then! You have made SO MANY memories since a year ago! I can not believe it has ONLY been one year. Feels like I’ve known you forever. I like to think you came here to be with us! Fall is going to be your favorite again this year, I just know it!!

    • Sarah September 27, 2011 at 8:40 am #

      Thanks, friend. You make my heart happy.

  4. Lindsay September 26, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    Hey Sarah Knapp! I’m with you 100% on this whole post! 🙂 Also wanted to tell you that your decorations are pretty much amazing and that I was finding all of my autumn and Halloween things last week. I’m very jealous of your Analee witch and her cat with the candy corn hat – Jonathan thinks all Analee’s are creepy but I think they’re precious!!!

    And to leave you with one last note…

    “Oooooooo-oo-oo-OO! What’s it gonna do to you?! BOO!”


    • Sarah September 27, 2011 at 8:42 am #

      Oh my gosh! Witches Brew….I have that on CD somewhere…I need to make a mental note to go digging in the teaching archives. PS: My mother in law got me the Analee witch and cat from TJ Maxx. And I just found the cutest pilgrims there for Thanksgiving. Go check it out! I love them, too. My sister in law has the best collection.

  5. artoornstra September 26, 2011 at 4:09 pm #

    I miss Michigan this time of year (where I used to live) because of all the pretty fall colors, hayrides, and my friends and I used to have an annual pumpkin carving bash. You do pick up new traditions though like you said. I do like the fact it’s not so cold in the Willamette Valley–I really have grown to love fall here. My Michigan friends get jealous we’re still in shorts and t-shirts in late September. I also look at areas to move to in Michigan thinking we’ll someday move back. We’ve talked about moving in 5-10 years, but it’s so hard now that Oregon is “home” for all three of my kids and the only home they know. Michigan is foreign territory to them.

    • Sarah September 27, 2011 at 8:44 am #

      I’m sure Michigan is just gorgeous at this time of year. I wonder if Abigail will grow to think that Oregon is “home” too. That’s so interesting. We headed over to the Fall Festival in Corvallis last weekend and we were definitely HOT! ;o) Enjoy the nice weather while it lasts. Soon it will be time for pumpkins and hayrides here, too!

  6. Heather Cavaliere September 26, 2011 at 7:56 pm #

    oh man…this makes me think Witches’ Brew…and then leads me straight to Thanksgiving Stew…and I can’t help but want to rip out all the posters that are up in storage in the shed that you and i made together…

    but more importantly it reminds me how perfect you are as a friend and a decorator and a mom and as family. you’re fam to me sarah! no matter in oregon or in virginia. i love my oregon sticker on the back of my car and when i look at it, i’m taken straight to you! love you and ryan and abigail and hanK!

    • Sarah September 27, 2011 at 8:47 am #

      Oh I love you. Haha! I totally still have that song in my “song chart” which is upstairs in the closet. Maybe I’ll break it out and teach Abigail the lyrics…along with all of our famous people jingles. Thank you for staying connected. I have our California picture on my kitchen counter and the sweet card you sent me on my window sill. You are a great friend, too. See you in October I hope! I’m coming in for new running shoes…

  7. Heather September 29, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    OMGEEEEEEE! Where did you get the Anna Lee Doll Witch? I have never seen that one and she is super cute!

    • Sarah October 5, 2011 at 9:05 pm #

      Ginger got it at TJ Maxx! I also found 2 adorable pilgrims there a couple weeks ago. I always loved your Christmas collection!

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