I looked south out of my kitchen window while making dinner and was happy to see blue skies peeking out between puffy clouds. I dashed to the north facing window above the stairs and saw the same.
Time: 5:15 PM Dinner: Almost in the oven.
When the Oregon coast hands over a big fat check made out to you in the amount of sunset run with the memo perfect weather, you cash that bad boy in. Immediately.
I took Hank, but he wasn’t feeling it. So we goofed around on the beach and I put him back in the car. You can lead a newf to the water but you can’t make him run or swim. Drinking is a different story. He will always drink.
I, on the other hand, was totally feeling it.
I ran feeling the creaks and groans of tight hips and knees. I stopped and stretched. I haven’t done much running since we went on vacation. I started again and found a comfortable rhythm, legs loosened – my mind following.
My thoughts went back to my sad Friday and afterwards I replayed the week in my mind with the final thought: maybe I’m renting to own.
I’m not ready to abandon my East coast roots. I like it back east. If I’m being completely honest, I’d move back there tomorrow if I could. It’s a big part of who I am, a part I can’t always completely explain to people that have never lived there. It’s where I breathe my sigh of relief, where everything just feels right.
But if we are being completely honest then I must also confess the other part of this renting to own life I have. Sometimes I feel guilty when I feel like I’m moving on, each day growing more distant from our life in Virginia, however natural it may be. Their life goes on, so does yours. You still care about each other, but you are not each other’s every day. And it can be gutwrenching, but it gets easier.
Much like a tenant, I have realized that there are people I can count on to make it easier to be here, to fix things – my playdate friends, my without kids friends, my book club, the (gasp) potential babysitter. They all do things without realizing how much it means and they make me oh so happy here – like helping a long day at home go a little faster or drinking a glass of wine and talking about things other than children, making me laugh so much at our once a month dinners I feel like I’m back with my old friends or just letting Ryan and I have a little break.
I reached the turnaround and stopped, taking stock of what I owned, what I wanted to own, and what I rented. It was hard to sort it all out. So I didn’t bother.
Instead I watched the sun set, while sprinting back to the start. I was tired when I reached the end. Instead of rushing home like I always do, I laid down right there on the sand – its cool dampness soothing my tired muscles.
I walked the last few feet, past a bottle. It didn’t belong there so I picked it up and threw it away. Part of renting to own is gradually taking over that ownership.
I’m going to work on writing my own check, made out to Oregon in the amount of an indeterminate number of happy years signed Sarah.
Time: 6:11 Dinner: Served.